Clocking up the miles in memory of our precious babies

Today is the start of October and, as we head towards this year’s Baby Loss Awareness Week, the Moore family have embarked on a mini mission in honour of our little Lentil and Pip. (I say ‘mini mission’ now; I reserve the right to revise that description part way through the month if I start to question what I was thinking)

Gary, Charlotte, Daniel and I have joined forces to sign up to the Miles in Memory initiative run by Aching Arms (Registered Charity No: 1153296). Over the course of the month, we aim to walk, scoot or balance bike our way through a collective 250 miles and raise £250. Between us we’ve racked up 7.5 miles so far and Daniel hasn’t even had the opportunity to put feet to floor yet (at least, not when we’ve been able to measure his distance) so I’m feeling confident.

It’s another poignant run-up to Baby Loss Awareness Week (October 9-15) for me. Last year’s was the first since we welcomed Daniel into our lives. This year marks the first time that both our earthly children are able to join us in doing something to honour their siblings and all other babies who didn’t get to stay on Earth.

I’m not naive enough to think that they fully understand what it’s all about yet. Of course they don’t; they’re four and one. But by involving them now, and mentioning their siblings’ names as we would the name of any other family member, I hope we’re taking little steps to help them grow up without the taboo that so often surrounds baby loss. Everyone needs the opportunity to know and understand that, sadly, baby loss happens and that it’s okay to talk about it. To me, the sooner we can help them to learn about their siblings, and to speak their names without fear, the better.

And by pounding the pavements for the next month, we all get to help support other families living with baby loss, as at least some of the money we raise will be used to fund comfort bears for bereaved parents. We know there are already bears dedicated to Lentil and Pip bringing comfort to other families and it’s just one way their legacy can continue to do good in the world they didn’t get to stay in.

I imagine our Miles in Memory challenge will be heart-warming for us as parents, as we watch Charlotte building her confidence on the scooter she got for her recent birthday, and see Daniel getting steadier on his feet in his first ever shoes (maybe by the end of the month he’ll have mastered walking in a straight line too but, then again, maybe not). And, while we know that these little milestones, like all their others, are things their siblings never had the opportunity to achieve on Earth, we also know they have gone ahead of us all to a place where they can already enjoy living in perfection.

We don’t pretend to fully understand God’s purpose in calling home Lentil and Pip before we’d even had chance to meet them, nor do we fully know the purposes God has for Charlotte and Daniel’s lives. What we do know, as Romans chapter 8, verse 28 in the Bible tells us, is that, “…in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” And we also know that, right now, Miles in Memory is giving us the opportunity to effectively team up with all four of our babies to honour and celebrate every child who didn’t get to stay on Earth.

We pray that one day, when the time comes, all our babies will get to meet in Heaven. As a parent, I can think of nothing I want more for my children. For now, this is how the six of us can be Team Moore together.

If this has resonated with you and you would like to make a little contribution to our fundraising, you can find our JustGiving page here. (Please do not feel obliged; that isn’t the reason for the post) And if you are a bereaved parent who would like to request a comfort bear, you can find more details on the Aching Arms website here.

To everyone who has experienced baby loss, however recently or long ago, I pray that October is gentle on you. I might pop back to the blog during my sixth Baby Loss Awareness Week to share how living with the experience of baby loss has changed for me since my first #BLAW back in 2018. Whether you throw yourself into all things #BLAW23, switch off social media until you’re certain it’s gone away, or anything in between, I pray you’ll know you’re not alone.

Sarah Moore is the author of For the Love of Lentil, A journey of longing, loss and abundant grace, which tells the story of her experience of pregnancy and miscarriage. Copies of the book are available here.