Reflecting on change, two years on

It’s been two years. Two whole years. Twenty four whole months have passed since the day we found out that we’d lost our precious first child. And so much has happened. So much has changed.

When I reflected last year on the first anniversary of the hardest day we had ever faced, we didn’t know when we might be blessed with our second child. We had every faith that we would but at that point we were still pacing it out along the longest road, not knowing how much further our walking shoes would have to take us. We were still doing our best to be “joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer”, as Romans chapter 12, verse 12 urged us, not knowing how much longer our patience and endurance would have to last.

This year I am reflecting while nursing our beautiful Charlotte, a baby we probably wouldn’t have had if Lentil had lived and grown into a now 17-month-old toddler. And, with her ever-impeccable timing, she chose today to give Mummy her first proper smiles.

Today I feel doubly blessed to be Mummy to both Lentil and Charlotte, and I look forward to seeing what each of them will continue to bring to our lives, wherever their very different lives take them.

I am looking forward to Charlotte’s first Christmas, when we will enjoy seeing the wonder on her face at the bright lights and shiny things, and also remember the big brother whose wonder-filled eyes and smiling face we have yet to see but who we know we will eventually meet at the appointed time.

November 17 will always be a significant date for me but, while it is in part a reminder of the pain and heartache we faced two years ago, it is now also a reminder of all the blessings that have come off the back of it, and for those we will always be grateful.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes chapter three, verse 11.

Sarah Moore is the author of For the Love of Lentil, A journey of longing, loss and abundant grace, which tells the story of her experience of pregnancy and miscarriage. Copies of the book, along with baby loss awareness badges which are sold in aid of Baby Lifeline, are available here.

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